Being taught contentment
Beginning of this year, about three weeks ago, I was reading and came across the verse, godliness with contentment is great gain. The word, contentment, jumped out at me, and started stirring my heart. I was mesmerized. I felt God was speaking to me.
Upon soul searching, I realised I was somewhat unhappy. Yes, we have enough food to eat, a shelter, good family relations - increasingly better than ever in terms of communication, and a wonderful little growing man who never fails to amaze every day. What else could one really ask for, indeed?
I was discontented. Basically - again it was a self-centered thing. Plus allowing myself to be too "occupied" with other stuff. I was way off focus what what priorities should be, and order of roles I live out in daily life. "Too busy" is a term I really dislike. Still do. Search for true rest - is my goal. To rest in the Lord and to be a resting place for the Lord. But when the phrase spoke to me, my top was spinning out of control. Veering very close to the edge of something called, falling off the cliff. Or maybe it had fallen; free-falling almost hitting the ground. Hence the Lord suddenly grabbed my hand and said, hey, Godliness WITH contentment - not godliness with loads of in-house mind murmuring and complaints of how tired, how busy, - oh the muck of complaints, stemmed from deep seated discontentment; which comes from an ungrateful heart. OUCH. That ain't godliness too, my girl. No wonder my complexion was so dry. LOL.
So the song, Count Your Blessings, one by one, is really a truly good reminder. These past few days - with no water supply - due to a broken pipe, and really truly crawling speed internet access -- just gave me a good break that I truly needed. I could do nothing but just sit, and wait. Sit and play. Sit and listen. Sit and sleep. Sit and read, Horton hears the Who, tilll you memorize some lines in the Jungle of Nool. Dishes sat in the sink. Clothes piled up. No water to bath - cos we had one teeny weeny in built tank, reserved fro only emergencies. Sit quietly in te sweltering heat, and just rest physically. Two good days.
The first day felt frustrating. hahahaha. Looking back, I was being "weaned" from an addiction of " I gotta do this, I gotta do that, I gotta... I gotta.... endless striving to achieve soem illusive, unreachable perfection of tasks. Sat there and brewed - thinking of all i wanted to do with water: I really wanted to ... wash the toilets. clothes. dishes. floor. bath. bake cookies for CNY. cook dinner.
Sure, water was restored after 16 hours of waiting from 4 am till the night call came from the water authorities' customer service dept: Has water been restored to your home, Maam? "Water restored?" Nope. Not a drop. Then I was told the pipes had been repaired since 5 pm. It was nearly 9pm when I got the call. Rushing down, I found out water filter's cover had literally exploded due to the water pressure. So well-meaning neighbours had turned off my main pipe downstairs. hahahaahah. Thank God for good neighbours - at least it was not left running, churning up a large water bill.
So I realized I had unknowingly become "addicted" to "doing" rather than "being". OUCH. I guess when we are just "being" contentment will come naturally - as we are "resting and doing" what we should be... hahahaha. a true paradox.
Note: This crazy unspooling of knotted threads in Girl's mind is for her own benefit. and this was written as a good reminder. To remember to sleep when tired, and take little breaks to love herself and people around her by being there in mind, in heart, in being. Not just in physical form with the mind crusing around the world of paper work or somewhere else in la la land.
Upon soul searching, I realised I was somewhat unhappy. Yes, we have enough food to eat, a shelter, good family relations - increasingly better than ever in terms of communication, and a wonderful little growing man who never fails to amaze every day. What else could one really ask for, indeed?
I was discontented. Basically - again it was a self-centered thing. Plus allowing myself to be too "occupied" with other stuff. I was way off focus what what priorities should be, and order of roles I live out in daily life. "Too busy" is a term I really dislike. Still do. Search for true rest - is my goal. To rest in the Lord and to be a resting place for the Lord. But when the phrase spoke to me, my top was spinning out of control. Veering very close to the edge of something called, falling off the cliff. Or maybe it had fallen; free-falling almost hitting the ground. Hence the Lord suddenly grabbed my hand and said, hey, Godliness WITH contentment - not godliness with loads of in-house mind murmuring and complaints of how tired, how busy, - oh the muck of complaints, stemmed from deep seated discontentment; which comes from an ungrateful heart. OUCH. That ain't godliness too, my girl. No wonder my complexion was so dry. LOL.
So the song, Count Your Blessings, one by one, is really a truly good reminder. These past few days - with no water supply - due to a broken pipe, and really truly crawling speed internet access -- just gave me a good break that I truly needed. I could do nothing but just sit, and wait. Sit and play. Sit and listen. Sit and sleep. Sit and read, Horton hears the Who, tilll you memorize some lines in the Jungle of Nool. Dishes sat in the sink. Clothes piled up. No water to bath - cos we had one teeny weeny in built tank, reserved fro only emergencies. Sit quietly in te sweltering heat, and just rest physically. Two good days.
The first day felt frustrating. hahahaha. Looking back, I was being "weaned" from an addiction of " I gotta do this, I gotta do that, I gotta... I gotta.... endless striving to achieve soem illusive, unreachable perfection of tasks. Sat there and brewed - thinking of all i wanted to do with water: I really wanted to ... wash the toilets. clothes. dishes. floor. bath. bake cookies for CNY. cook dinner.
Sure, water was restored after 16 hours of waiting from 4 am till the night call came from the water authorities' customer service dept: Has water been restored to your home, Maam? "Water restored?" Nope. Not a drop. Then I was told the pipes had been repaired since 5 pm. It was nearly 9pm when I got the call. Rushing down, I found out water filter's cover had literally exploded due to the water pressure. So well-meaning neighbours had turned off my main pipe downstairs. hahahaahah. Thank God for good neighbours - at least it was not left running, churning up a large water bill.
So I realized I had unknowingly become "addicted" to "doing" rather than "being". OUCH. I guess when we are just "being" contentment will come naturally - as we are "resting and doing" what we should be... hahahaha. a true paradox.
Note: This crazy unspooling of knotted threads in Girl's mind is for her own benefit. and this was written as a good reminder. To remember to sleep when tired, and take little breaks to love herself and people around her by being there in mind, in heart, in being. Not just in physical form with the mind crusing around the world of paper work or somewhere else in la la land.
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