Of fear, personal accountability and the work of God

For do I now seek the favor of men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10) KJV 2000 Bible (©2003) Sometimes we do not see clearly. When I was younger and a young believer, I new clearly that I struggled with the issue of the fear of men. Probably it could be due to some deep rooted abandonment issue that occurred during childhood. But whatever it is - it is something that truly belongs in the past. The fear of man is a snare. But whoever puts his trust in the Lord shall be safe (Prov. 29:25). I used to be so scared of offending people, and having people offended at me, that I would apologize not once, but profusely till it became annoying. It is not wrong to take a first step towards reconciliation - which is actually instructed in the Bible. But not only that, I would take it to the extreme and seek earnestly something which I thought was "reconciliation" but now, on hindsight - after such a long time indeed, I realised, what I actually sought was to "be acceptable again in their eyes." Despite my shortsightedness, my subconscious driving motivation - the Lord did indeed bring about miraculous healing of relationships. He did work things out and very mercifully granted me peace all around... He did it for His own pleasure, and with His great lovingkindness. This realization had deeply troubled me in my early days. And with much struggle I thought it was settled. But two years ago, this fear reared its ugly head deep in a time of new experience for me. And I struggled with the sense of wanting to be accepted deep within - so much that I felt intimidated at times and depressed. I became desperate. I gave up. I really did cry out to the Lord to set me free from this matter : the fear of man. Then I forgot about it as the days settled into comfortable zones and busy schedules. Recently, a friend who suffered wrong by others told me a similar story. How this friend - I knew had apologized personally - and bend backwards to apologize again and again. But received a harsh rebuff and outright rejection from the other party. Recently, after a long period of time, this friend again initiated to apologize profusely to the party who chose to remain offended. "Why did you apologize?" I heard myself asking, perplexed. "You did nothing wrong." My friend said his actions brought good fruit as a result - that they had reconciliation. I was rather surprised because my thoughts were going this way, instead of being gleefully rejoicing. But I also know God is able to work beyond us, and in our weaknesses, through us as well. I wonder indeed. I look back and wonder indeed at the strange way my thoughts had been re-wired. I was more concerned about the work of God in their lives. Would these actions hinder or progress the work of God in their lives - if I were in the shoes of my friend? I dont know. But what was surprising was because -- in the past, I would be rejoicing and jumping so happily - that this friend had received a warm welcome because of his earnest apologies and humbling of himself. That he is now accepted. That he is now back in favor with those who rejected him. But now, the surprising matter was: I realised I no longer placed importance on the acceptance of man in my consideration of a matter. To clarify: As long as I do take the humbling step to wholeheartedly seek reconciliation and forgiveness - from one who either have offended or is offended, I leave the response to them. Though being accepted is wonderful, but I also realised now = that what people do to me, the wrongs etc - it is between them and God. They are accountable. I forgive them. But their response - I do not need to stagnate if they choose to persist being offended. If such a matter occurs, of course it is painful. Or course it is deeply saddening. But yet, once we had truly sought forgiveness from the Lord and the other - I think, the Lord will be please if we will get up and move forward. It will not be pleasing nor honourable to the Lord if we choose to sit down and mope, to remain stumbled, to blame the past, and allow depression to make us ineffective as witnesses. We are, responsible to follow the Lord. We are responsible to choose life. We are accountable to the Lord. I look back, and realised - the Lord has again, marvelously worked a healing in this area and I give thanks with great gladness and joy - that the thoughts are now not bound by fear. It is truly the work of the Holy Spirit. This is a victory of the Lord indeed. I look forward with great anticipation to what the Lord will do in transforming us into His image and likeness.