What were we looking for... (about mars and venus)
I was having a conversation with a friend, and what do you like about the person - came up in the subject. What do we look for, seriously, being all doe-eyed - when we think in terms of a life-partner. What we look when we are in our teens - is definitely NOT the same as what we look for when we are in our twenties. Likewise, what we look for in our twenties, are NOT the same as in our thirties, and forties, and so on.
My first crush was Luke Skywalker. Maybe it was the wonder of watching STAR WARS. Ok, so it was the first long term crush. One sided, as Luke Skywalker DOES NOT exist. ahahaha. So when I read sometime later that the actor representing Skywalker had married, the crush ended immediately. A married person was not in my list of "eligible" men - even at a young age, being forced to witness unfaithfulness and the devastation of it in the lives of my own relatives.
Late teenage brought the opportunity to date a really good man. A wonderful musician. Stable. Strong. Peer. Different culture. But I knew he was not the one. I just wanted to "try dating" - or what that was supposed to be. Turned out to be a bad decision, and it caused hurt to the other person when I had to end it. I did not handle it well. But the other party was very gracious and I am deeply thankful for the presence of God by then in my life. Much time was spent in prayer with much tears for the healing of the other person, and in repentance for any pain caused.
Early twenties started with respect and strong admiration for someone who had a significant age gap. But when I prayed for a clear direction to proceed? The Lord my Father who had often responded quickly - was silent. It was a deafening silence. So deafening, I got afraid. Looking back, it was a really unhealthy emotionally and mentally. I was doing everything and losing my own self, my respect, my mental and emotional health in this so called "friendship", if it could be called that. My mom who saw the person ONCE - later commented to me when I was back for college break, "Choose someone who is mature in the heart, not mature in the face." Now, that is one astute woman - my mom. hahahaha.
By then I was weary, jaded. But the Lord kept showing me that marriages can work. Yes, and I really felt relieved as if a yoke was take off my shoulders at the end of that episode. This older guy and I had never went out officially. But the proximity in terms of communication, workwise, the responsibility shared - made others viewed us as a couple - which I was totally unaware of. I was a naive nun from the hidden walls of an almost militaristic all-girls boarding school. Men - except for the snippets of advice from Dear Abby, or was it Dear Thelma, - I had no experience with. A month or two after the end of college term and goodbye to all that hulaballoo... I received a call from a lady-collegiate who asked whether "have you slept together?" I found that question hilariously funny that people would think THAT FAR. I just burst out laughing. The Lord had preserved me and taken me out with a clear conscience and clean hands and heart.
After a year or two of the exciting phase of working life, one day, I woke up one morning, and felt strangely that I was "ready for a relationship". It was a strange thought that I pondered on as my colleague and I walked to office.
To cut the story short, of course, this time, someone else came along. Been jaded before, I was scared. So we agreed to KIV the friendship after seeking advice from trusted elders. Prayed, and I did pray for quite a few months. Finally at the beginning of the year, I was walking out of the date, then I asked the question again - so does this person have Your approval? I heard it clearly- "if it was a no, wouldn't you have heard it?"
Today is 27 June 2023. I saw in the draft box on 14 Sept 2011. Twelve years! I was just looking through the whole lists of drafts and realised that it is better to share the valleys and not keep so private some things. We are all humans and we have our struggles - the valleys - and we have our moments of transfiguration like Christ did on the Mount of Transfiguration - when the ordinary turns into extraordinary because the presence of the Lord came once I thought of gratitude towards him, half listening to Bill Johnson's message on Praise. Gratitude - like what I am experiencing right now. Waking up and thinking of sacred moments with the Lord where the dusty, cluttered room that was an expression of the inner turmoil I faced was turning into a place of the Holy. Because Jesus came. Thank You, Lord.
My first crush was Luke Skywalker. Maybe it was the wonder of watching STAR WARS. Ok, so it was the first long term crush. One sided, as Luke Skywalker DOES NOT exist. ahahaha. So when I read sometime later that the actor representing Skywalker had married, the crush ended immediately. A married person was not in my list of "eligible" men - even at a young age, being forced to witness unfaithfulness and the devastation of it in the lives of my own relatives.
Late teenage brought the opportunity to date a really good man. A wonderful musician. Stable. Strong. Peer. Different culture. But I knew he was not the one. I just wanted to "try dating" - or what that was supposed to be. Turned out to be a bad decision, and it caused hurt to the other person when I had to end it. I did not handle it well. But the other party was very gracious and I am deeply thankful for the presence of God by then in my life. Much time was spent in prayer with much tears for the healing of the other person, and in repentance for any pain caused.
Early twenties started with respect and strong admiration for someone who had a significant age gap. But when I prayed for a clear direction to proceed? The Lord my Father who had often responded quickly - was silent. It was a deafening silence. So deafening, I got afraid. Looking back, it was a really unhealthy emotionally and mentally. I was doing everything and losing my own self, my respect, my mental and emotional health in this so called "friendship", if it could be called that. My mom who saw the person ONCE - later commented to me when I was back for college break, "Choose someone who is mature in the heart, not mature in the face." Now, that is one astute woman - my mom. hahahaha.
By then I was weary, jaded. But the Lord kept showing me that marriages can work. Yes, and I really felt relieved as if a yoke was take off my shoulders at the end of that episode. This older guy and I had never went out officially. But the proximity in terms of communication, workwise, the responsibility shared - made others viewed us as a couple - which I was totally unaware of. I was a naive nun from the hidden walls of an almost militaristic all-girls boarding school. Men - except for the snippets of advice from Dear Abby, or was it Dear Thelma, - I had no experience with. A month or two after the end of college term and goodbye to all that hulaballoo... I received a call from a lady-collegiate who asked whether "have you slept together?" I found that question hilariously funny that people would think THAT FAR. I just burst out laughing. The Lord had preserved me and taken me out with a clear conscience and clean hands and heart.
After a year or two of the exciting phase of working life, one day, I woke up one morning, and felt strangely that I was "ready for a relationship". It was a strange thought that I pondered on as my colleague and I walked to office.
To cut the story short, of course, this time, someone else came along. Been jaded before, I was scared. So we agreed to KIV the friendship after seeking advice from trusted elders. Prayed, and I did pray for quite a few months. Finally at the beginning of the year, I was walking out of the date, then I asked the question again - so does this person have Your approval? I heard it clearly- "if it was a no, wouldn't you have heard it?"
Today is 27 June 2023. I saw in the draft box on 14 Sept 2011. Twelve years! I was just looking through the whole lists of drafts and realised that it is better to share the valleys and not keep so private some things. We are all humans and we have our struggles - the valleys - and we have our moments of transfiguration like Christ did on the Mount of Transfiguration - when the ordinary turns into extraordinary because the presence of the Lord came once I thought of gratitude towards him, half listening to Bill Johnson's message on Praise. Gratitude - like what I am experiencing right now. Waking up and thinking of sacred moments with the Lord where the dusty, cluttered room that was an expression of the inner turmoil I faced was turning into a place of the Holy. Because Jesus came. Thank You, Lord.
Comments