after the chaos settles...
This week flew by. I finally took the plunge last week and "resigned from work". Initially I had been somewhat wondering whether it was necessary. SO MANY women work. I had been kind of dragging my feet in this decision. Partly willing, partly reluctant. Partly not willing to part with whatever little paisa offered, allowance or not. But finally after asking the Lord, I felt a sure sense of Yes, go ahead. It is the right thing to do.
In a way this is paradoxical. What my heart thinks and what my mind actually does are two very different paths. In my heart, I always thought I was a home body, dreaming of the house with the white picket fence. hehehehe. But my mind is so trained to be a work machine. Work, work work work work work.
This is the first time I actually resigned from a position without feeling rejected, or dejected or all the -eds. So on this first Wed, I went to work in a different environment: home. Wow. It was the first time ever, LOL, that I think I decided to put on a work mode mindset for my home. Goodness. Of course, it is still at a very philosophical level. It's crazy how one holds on the tiniest illusion of security : "Oh I work and have my OWN money." For me, it was largely: I've now finally got a baby. I want to buy him presents...
That's my problem. I find it hard to let go of things. My previous employer for eight years said I am of the loyal type, so he noticed I usually take about 6months to adjust to a totally new direction in the past). Do I guess this time it took,let's see.. October to March ... 6 months! Goodness. This girl better change.
But it was not only money. It was a sense of hard to let go one's responsibilities.
I still wanted to help out in whatever way possible.... and even jumped at the idea of working from home. Out of a habit, I decided to pray about it (after jumping at the offer). I asked the Lord to let me know whether I should go this path... then I had a dream.
I dreamt I was back with my previous employer. (We had a good friendship with his family). In the dream, two of my colleagues had fixed their minds and were resigning. They were main players in the company. Then there was me. I was indecisive; knowing that I had to leave, and it was time. But still hanging on, lingering by offering to help out with this and that... Then in the dream, as the other two were progressing in their packing, nearing the time to leave, I knew I had to leave. And I went to my employer, and told him, I'm sorry, I actually have to leave. He looked somewhat sad, but said, "Yes I know. The Lord had told me." He said it with a sense resignation to the fact. Then as I left him, a friend Lee Ling, came and offered to help me pack up my stuff and leave. In the dream, she stayed in Cheras, quite a dstance as I stayed in another part of town. But in the dream, it was like God prepared people to help me make the transition, to go ont ht other journey. And in the dream, I had also had unfinished business. But they were not very important matters.
In a way this is paradoxical. What my heart thinks and what my mind actually does are two very different paths. In my heart, I always thought I was a home body, dreaming of the house with the white picket fence. hehehehe. But my mind is so trained to be a work machine. Work, work work work work work.
This is the first time I actually resigned from a position without feeling rejected, or dejected or all the -eds. So on this first Wed, I went to work in a different environment: home. Wow. It was the first time ever, LOL, that I think I decided to put on a work mode mindset for my home. Goodness. Of course, it is still at a very philosophical level. It's crazy how one holds on the tiniest illusion of security : "Oh I work and have my OWN money." For me, it was largely: I've now finally got a baby. I want to buy him presents...
That's my problem. I find it hard to let go of things. My previous employer for eight years said I am of the loyal type, so he noticed I usually take about 6months to adjust to a totally new direction in the past). Do I guess this time it took,let's see.. October to March ... 6 months! Goodness. This girl better change.
But it was not only money. It was a sense of hard to let go one's responsibilities.
I still wanted to help out in whatever way possible.... and even jumped at the idea of working from home. Out of a habit, I decided to pray about it (after jumping at the offer). I asked the Lord to let me know whether I should go this path... then I had a dream.
I dreamt I was back with my previous employer. (We had a good friendship with his family). In the dream, two of my colleagues had fixed their minds and were resigning. They were main players in the company. Then there was me. I was indecisive; knowing that I had to leave, and it was time. But still hanging on, lingering by offering to help out with this and that... Then in the dream, as the other two were progressing in their packing, nearing the time to leave, I knew I had to leave. And I went to my employer, and told him, I'm sorry, I actually have to leave. He looked somewhat sad, but said, "Yes I know. The Lord had told me." He said it with a sense resignation to the fact. Then as I left him, a friend Lee Ling, came and offered to help me pack up my stuff and leave. In the dream, she stayed in Cheras, quite a dstance as I stayed in another part of town. But in the dream, it was like God prepared people to help me make the transition, to go ont ht other journey. And in the dream, I had also had unfinished business. But they were not very important matters.
Comments
I am also on a spurt to 'achieve' stuff at home; the work mindset at home you refer to. It is easy to be unproductive at home, I find. Simplicity is good though. Leads to self-realisation, I find.
Be good mama ;)
Still am amazed you are indeed mama!!