Writing to seek an answer
Ok. I am guilty. Woke up this morning and cannot sleep. I realised something is amiss in my life. It just happened suddenly, like being awakened. What had happened to my life?
Two days ago, a friend remarked her hubby is going to Germany for work. Then I recalled that my brother too just returned from Germany... He went there for a work-related exhibition, then continued his stay there a little longer to visit a little. Ad I was was just thinking about this, a question suddenly formed in my mind:
What happened to you?
huh?
You love travelling.
Yes i do.
Why am I not travelling??
Why is it the furthest I have gone (to another country) is Singapore?
What happened to my life?
Yes, What indeed has happened to my life?
(I should travel!!!! I will go to Australia or New Zealand first. hah!)
Since when have I been contented to live on hand outs like a beggar? You know that people around you who love you can tell you the truth. I heard this more than a decade ago from someone who loves me though is blunt (ouch), Why are you living like DBKL?
That was more than a decade ago when I first started serving the Lord. (I know the Lord also has confronted this small, limiting thinking that originated from living among the dumps. That is another story. I think He is confronting me again. I am going to visit Australia. Yes, that's my goal. )
Before I started serving the Lord, I had lofty ideas. At least lofty ambitious ideas. I wanted to be a doctor. Second in line was a biochemist (thought of doing the course). Other whimsical choices were: marine biologist, environmental engineering, or to do archeology. Archeology, partly due to the exciting reads in National Geographic. But anyway, I wanted to go down the yellow brick road. I wanted to earn my degree, help people and get rich so can buy my mom a house and move out from the squatter area we got stuck living in due to incredibly unfortunate circumstances. Ok, so much for the boo ha haa.
Then I remembered struggling to give it all to God. It was a book by RA Torrey. Tittle: The Right Beginning to a Christian Life. A small booklet. I saw it on loan while visiting the Christian Fellowship at school. Wow, i thought. I just became a Christian, and this should be good.
It was good. More than that, it was life changing. In the book, RA Torrey wrote something to the effect, You must say, Not my words, but Yours; not my thoughts, but Yours; not my will but Yours.
That was the singly hardest decision I ever had to struggle with. On one hand was the dream of getting out of the slums and bringing my mom with me. It was tied to my ambitions of becoming a doctor and becoming rich. (No one had told me at that point that if you become a doctor who wants to help people, you probably won't be rich. hahahahah).
On the other hand, was, This was the RIGHT beginning to a Christian life... And I had just encountered the Lord! I had just believed, finally, that Jesus us really the Son of God! I remembered of being afraid. Very afraid that I will lose everything. Then in the secret place, I knelt and told Him that I was afraid. But I wanted to do the right thing. He heard and understood.
That weekend on about Friday midnight, I became ill from food poisoning. So bad my mom had to bring the food to bed. I also had read God heals. The whole day, I prayed, Lord please heal me. There was a scheduled Youth Fellowship at the Chinese Methodist Church I just started attending. My home was about 1 km walk or to the church. That evening, I decided to go to church. In reality, my body had felt so weak that I was in bed the whole day. But when evening drew near, I got up and got dressed. And found that I actually had the strength to get dressed. Marvelling, I was also amazed I had the strength to walk to church. God is good!!!!
Reaching there, the service had started. Oh. They had an invited speaker. I did not know they were having a series of sessions, hence the early start. I cannot remember what he shared - probably it was on we can hear God speak - then he gave an invitation that whoever was ill, to come out. I felt shy to go out. So secretly prayed, Lord, please let someone else go out first. Then a man went in front. So what I asked has been answered. I had better go in front now. When he prayed for me, I felt the presence of God like water and the fever left me like water flowing away from my body. I went back to the seat and realised I was healed.
The next night, the speaker spoke on hearing from God, passage on John. He started calling people out from their seats one by one and spoke to them. I prayed hard, Lord please don't call me out. At the end of the service, he said, those whom I did not call out, please come in front and I will pray for you. Since a crowd was going out, I was happy. He prayed for the two or three before me. But when my turn came, he said, fear not , fear not. You fear so many things. God says to sit in my hand. ..."
In a nutshell, God spoke to me that night. The Lord set me free to give my life to Him. 19 years later and I still have no regrets. I look back at it as one fo the best decisions in life - to give our lives into His hand. Into His keeping, for He is indeed faithful.
Thank You Lord, Your faithfulness is from everlasting to everlasting. I have been young, but now am old, but have never seen the righteous forsaken or starving for bread. You are my El Shaddai, for You fill me with Your sufficiency. I love You Lord. Thank You for saving me. Thank You for taking care of us. Thank You Lord, for this privilege of resting our lives in Your hands. Thank You Lord.
Two days ago, a friend remarked her hubby is going to Germany for work. Then I recalled that my brother too just returned from Germany... He went there for a work-related exhibition, then continued his stay there a little longer to visit a little. Ad I was was just thinking about this, a question suddenly formed in my mind:
What happened to you?
huh?
You love travelling.
Yes i do.
Why am I not travelling??
Why is it the furthest I have gone (to another country) is Singapore?
What happened to my life?
Yes, What indeed has happened to my life?
(I should travel!!!! I will go to Australia or New Zealand first. hah!)
Since when have I been contented to live on hand outs like a beggar? You know that people around you who love you can tell you the truth. I heard this more than a decade ago from someone who loves me though is blunt (ouch), Why are you living like DBKL?
That was more than a decade ago when I first started serving the Lord. (I know the Lord also has confronted this small, limiting thinking that originated from living among the dumps. That is another story. I think He is confronting me again. I am going to visit Australia. Yes, that's my goal. )
Before I started serving the Lord, I had lofty ideas. At least lofty ambitious ideas. I wanted to be a doctor. Second in line was a biochemist (thought of doing the course). Other whimsical choices were: marine biologist, environmental engineering, or to do archeology. Archeology, partly due to the exciting reads in National Geographic. But anyway, I wanted to go down the yellow brick road. I wanted to earn my degree, help people and get rich so can buy my mom a house and move out from the squatter area we got stuck living in due to incredibly unfortunate circumstances. Ok, so much for the boo ha haa.
Then I remembered struggling to give it all to God. It was a book by RA Torrey. Tittle: The Right Beginning to a Christian Life. A small booklet. I saw it on loan while visiting the Christian Fellowship at school. Wow, i thought. I just became a Christian, and this should be good.
It was good. More than that, it was life changing. In the book, RA Torrey wrote something to the effect, You must say, Not my words, but Yours; not my thoughts, but Yours; not my will but Yours.
That was the singly hardest decision I ever had to struggle with. On one hand was the dream of getting out of the slums and bringing my mom with me. It was tied to my ambitions of becoming a doctor and becoming rich. (No one had told me at that point that if you become a doctor who wants to help people, you probably won't be rich. hahahahah).
On the other hand, was, This was the RIGHT beginning to a Christian life... And I had just encountered the Lord! I had just believed, finally, that Jesus us really the Son of God! I remembered of being afraid. Very afraid that I will lose everything. Then in the secret place, I knelt and told Him that I was afraid. But I wanted to do the right thing. He heard and understood.
That weekend on about Friday midnight, I became ill from food poisoning. So bad my mom had to bring the food to bed. I also had read God heals. The whole day, I prayed, Lord please heal me. There was a scheduled Youth Fellowship at the Chinese Methodist Church I just started attending. My home was about 1 km walk or to the church. That evening, I decided to go to church. In reality, my body had felt so weak that I was in bed the whole day. But when evening drew near, I got up and got dressed. And found that I actually had the strength to get dressed. Marvelling, I was also amazed I had the strength to walk to church. God is good!!!!
Reaching there, the service had started. Oh. They had an invited speaker. I did not know they were having a series of sessions, hence the early start. I cannot remember what he shared - probably it was on we can hear God speak - then he gave an invitation that whoever was ill, to come out. I felt shy to go out. So secretly prayed, Lord, please let someone else go out first. Then a man went in front. So what I asked has been answered. I had better go in front now. When he prayed for me, I felt the presence of God like water and the fever left me like water flowing away from my body. I went back to the seat and realised I was healed.
The next night, the speaker spoke on hearing from God, passage on John. He started calling people out from their seats one by one and spoke to them. I prayed hard, Lord please don't call me out. At the end of the service, he said, those whom I did not call out, please come in front and I will pray for you. Since a crowd was going out, I was happy. He prayed for the two or three before me. But when my turn came, he said, fear not , fear not. You fear so many things. God says to sit in my hand. ..."
In a nutshell, God spoke to me that night. The Lord set me free to give my life to Him. 19 years later and I still have no regrets. I look back at it as one fo the best decisions in life - to give our lives into His hand. Into His keeping, for He is indeed faithful.
Thank You Lord, Your faithfulness is from everlasting to everlasting. I have been young, but now am old, but have never seen the righteous forsaken or starving for bread. You are my El Shaddai, for You fill me with Your sufficiency. I love You Lord. Thank You for saving me. Thank You for taking care of us. Thank You Lord, for this privilege of resting our lives in Your hands. Thank You Lord.
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