renovation works ongoing in heart and mind ...
Yesterday, I met a new friend. And it was nice meeting people.
But it was also hard because it reminded me of how much i had actually isolated myself. This was not simply an issue of being a hermit. But it was an issue of deep loneliness. Yet I still do not have the emotional energy to just go out there and be there for others. I am trying and taking one step at a time, and I guess fighting the inertia will take quite a bit of energy. And I realised most of all, it need to be intentional. Yup, that's the key word. INTENTIONAL.
The weight issue also is causing me to feel really down. People around me have left their flab (thank goodness) and moved on. My brother and mom saw me the other day, and my mom said I was fat. She said, OH you have put on a lot of weight." And we are speaking of the "super feeder"'s comment here. Who will feed and feed her kids. But lately, she herself has been eating well, so it's nice to see that. And my own brother, who had the face round-as-a clock last year, now looks like a hunk! Yes a fit and trim muscle hunk with well built biceps. Ehem. (I'm sure this is a bonus for the missus.) I guess the pain of losing his own child the last year really made him decide to take care of his health and eat more consciously. I am glad to know they both are well, emotionally as well. I actually realised I had not "walked" around the neighbourhood for one year! Yikes. And for the first time in my life, I have a flab in the middle kingdom. And I saw a photo of myself and got a shock. I guess the inner image was not congruent with the outer image. This really puts the issue of losing weight as a top priority now. PHew. Ok, now I've said it out.. I think I can move on. Yes, and the key word is also: INTENTIONAL living.
I guess with these two main issues in life, and the decision to wean myself from addictive reading online and getting out of the route of being stuck to the chair will be very very good for me. I shall not write about what my third realisation of needing intentional action is because my hubby reads the blog as well, as I dont want him to use it as a tool to tease me. Yeah, he has this habit of teasing me. Though of late he is really sweet, like a really helpful angel. I was plesantly surprised by him oflate. He said, Oh the thigns I would do for you." I feel so loved. hahahahaha
So he can be like an angel, and yet a bit mean times. Does this mean he's a mean angel? hahahahahaahah! Hmm, what would I call myself? The workaholic sloth? Creative mess? hahahahahaha. Well, let's work towards change. I desire perfection but has to be rationale. Maybe I can still aim for perfection, and will land modestly at "good" or "acceptable" somewhere. wish me luck.
But it was also hard because it reminded me of how much i had actually isolated myself. This was not simply an issue of being a hermit. But it was an issue of deep loneliness. Yet I still do not have the emotional energy to just go out there and be there for others. I am trying and taking one step at a time, and I guess fighting the inertia will take quite a bit of energy. And I realised most of all, it need to be intentional. Yup, that's the key word. INTENTIONAL.
The weight issue also is causing me to feel really down. People around me have left their flab (thank goodness) and moved on. My brother and mom saw me the other day, and my mom said I was fat. She said, OH you have put on a lot of weight." And we are speaking of the "super feeder"'s comment here. Who will feed and feed her kids. But lately, she herself has been eating well, so it's nice to see that. And my own brother, who had the face round-as-a clock last year, now looks like a hunk! Yes a fit and trim muscle hunk with well built biceps. Ehem. (I'm sure this is a bonus for the missus.) I guess the pain of losing his own child the last year really made him decide to take care of his health and eat more consciously. I am glad to know they both are well, emotionally as well. I actually realised I had not "walked" around the neighbourhood for one year! Yikes. And for the first time in my life, I have a flab in the middle kingdom. And I saw a photo of myself and got a shock. I guess the inner image was not congruent with the outer image. This really puts the issue of losing weight as a top priority now. PHew. Ok, now I've said it out.. I think I can move on. Yes, and the key word is also: INTENTIONAL living.
I guess with these two main issues in life, and the decision to wean myself from addictive reading online and getting out of the route of being stuck to the chair will be very very good for me. I shall not write about what my third realisation of needing intentional action is because my hubby reads the blog as well, as I dont want him to use it as a tool to tease me. Yeah, he has this habit of teasing me. Though of late he is really sweet, like a really helpful angel. I was plesantly surprised by him oflate. He said, Oh the thigns I would do for you." I feel so loved. hahahahaha
So he can be like an angel, and yet a bit mean times. Does this mean he's a mean angel? hahahahahaahah! Hmm, what would I call myself? The workaholic sloth? Creative mess? hahahahahaha. Well, let's work towards change. I desire perfection but has to be rationale. Maybe I can still aim for perfection, and will land modestly at "good" or "acceptable" somewhere. wish me luck.
Comments
Interesting how both of us always find underlying themes to drive us forward :)